status quo

it's time for me to realize that i have a new status quo.

as of today at 11 am,

i have both the pleasure and the burden of being a police officer's wife.

i have been told that a blue rose signifies the wife of an officer.

it reminds me of the blue stripe on a black background that signifies on officer's death.

which then reminds me of all of the dangers of al's job

that i have & will worry about for years to come.

on the other hand, i'm so very proud of al and so very proud to be an officer's wife.

i've always had a special place in my heart for police officers

and that has only been amplified by being married to one.

my respect for them is large.

there is a harsh line when it comes to police officers.

their job protects our people but also scares our people.

there is both love and hatred for them.

it's mostly the hatred,

that i have seen and heard first hand,

that scares me the most.

----------------------------------------------------

my other new status quo is where i live.

i now live in 2 different states,

in 2 different cities,

in 2 different houses,

with 2 (well 3) different people.

my main confusion lies in where i call home.

when i say "i'm going home" where does that imply?

where my husband is, is my home.

where i grew up, where my mom is, is my home.

i live part time in both places.

does this mean i will never feel settled?

never feel at home?

in place?

like i fit?

only time will tell

but i brought this on myself.

i knew a move was coming

and i choose to stay in the cities part time

for my softball, for my crossfit, for my work.

i have to find my happy in this.

i will make it work

because i know that i am lucky.

i can see all the great things that i get out of this.

but i miss the cities already.

and i will miss my husband once i go back.

reassessing is always an option.

we are lucky enough to have options.

to play it out as it will

and change things if need be.

so, as a wise woman once told me, "so be it!" :]